Some good things about not having air conditioning

I’m trying to be a positive, glass-half-full kinda gal, although as Coldplay says, Don’t ask neither how full nor empty is your glass. So maybe I should be grateful that I just have a glass. Anyhoo, this laptop is scorching my already-toasty legs, so let me just get to the point:

• My house probably needed to be aired out anyway.
• Having to raise the windows has forced me to clean all the spider webs and stuff in and around them.
• Most every room has a ceiling fan (thank you Jesus, Aunt Betty and Uncle Johnny).
• Hopefully having said fans cranked up on high will knock the dust off those blades. (Is it becoming obvious that I’m sorely lacking in my dedication to cleaning house?)
• Having the windows up and fans on reminds me of when I was little and air conditioning was a luxury. Yes, I’m old. But I did not walk to school barefoot in the snow–I”m not that old.
• It reminds me of the end of 3rd grade, when I got the chicken pox and stood in front of our window unit a/c, slathered in calamine lotion, trying not to scratch.
• At night I can hear the big ole bullfrogs croaking down at the pond. This is probably my favorite “perk” so far.
• The old unit has had troubles every summer for the past three years at least, so maybe getting a new unit will mean it will be a long time before I’ll have to go without cool air again.
• Sweating is good for my pores.
• That’s all for now, but if it takes a few more days before the new unit can be installed, I may come up with more.
• Oh yeah, it makes me very grateful when I’m in a place that does have cool air.

Gobsmacked

Hopefully by now you’ve watched the video clip of Susan Boyles’ performance on “Britain’s Got Talent,” where she completely wow-ed the audience and judges with her incredibly wonderful performance of “I Dreamed a Dream” from Les Miserables.

Susan has been described as frumpy, middle-aged, even a hairy angel. All of these describe perceptions of her physical appearance. I admit that when I watched her clip for the firs time, I was probably like most other people who’ve watched it—I focused on her looks and had pretty low expectations of her singing abilities. What one has to do with the other, I don’t know, except that here in America we are bombarded daily with news of celebrities and “beautiful” people (at least according to some), so it’s hard not to focus on that right off the bat. Plus, just as a human being, the first thing we learn about another person, provided we have sight, is what they look like, and it just seems ingrained into our nature to automatically start making impressions and judgments based on what we see.

So now the bandwagon, which is rolling quickly and picking up a lot of followers, is that you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. I saw a Susan Boyle fan site tonight that’s offering pins and mugs that say, “I Dreamed a Dream,” and “Never judge a book by its cover.” The song title and lyrics were a perfect fit for Susan to sing, as she’d carried this dream of being a singer for so many years. And it’s true that we shouldn’t judge people by their looks. I mean, really, who are we to declare the beauty (or non-beauty) of a fellow creation? Yet we do.

While I think it’s a valid lesson to try and keep our hearts and minds open to people, that’s not the main thing that has touched me the most about Susan’s story. After I watched her performance for the first time, I was awed and wanted to learn more about her. A search revealed a link to STV, a Scottish TV station, who brought Susan, a fellow Scot, onto one of their shows for a brief interview.  http://video.stv.tv/?bcpid=1610699553&bctid=19521357001 .

What I keep focusing on is Susan saying, “Basically I wanted to fulfil a wish to my mother that I wanted to do something with my life. Not only that but I felt like I had a bit more to offer.”

A bit more, yes, you could say that. Quite a bit more.

I think there are several reasons why Susan’s performance has resonated with so many of us: none of us want to be judged by our looks either; we admire her courage to sing on TV and in front of judges and so many people; she is the quintessential underdog and we love it when the underdog wins. Her performance has stuck with me more for the way her dream and her desire for more–to have more and to do more–overcame her fear. I have felt many times like I wasn’t being given a chance, was overlooked and underutilized, but a variety of fears kept me from doing anything about it.

I read online today that the female judge on “Britain’s Got Talent,” Amanda Holden, said, “I won’t let Simon make her go to his dentist and I certainly won’t be letting her go to his hairdresser. I think she needs to stay exactly as she is because that’s the reason we love her. The minute we spoil her by turning her into a glamourpuss is going to be when it’s spoilt.” I was happy to read that.

But when asked about a makeover, Susan told one US show: “I’d like that!”I would say the same thing. I just hope they don’t Hollywoodize her so that she becomes a creation of man rather than a creation of her Creator.

Susan cared for her ailing mother, is a devoted cat owner, and according to townspeople a wonderful friend, neighbor and fellow citizen. But she does have more to offer, and I’m so glad she found the courage to share some of it with us. Obviously we need it, since her performance has been watched almost 17 million times! (At least 8 or 10 of those are mine.)

Susan’s story has touched me so much not just because she has an incredible voice—it’s because she wanted more in her life, more from life, and she actually did something about it. Maybe some of the millions of us who are so inspired by her will follow her example.

The Value of Life

I am troubled by so many recent reports of murders. The recent one in New York was terrible, especially knowing the gunman barricaded the back door to prevent anyone from getting out, then walked in the front door with guns blazing. How terrifying. Or the policemen in Pennsylvania and California who were brutally murdered just trying to do their job. Especially distressing are the stories of family members murdering family members. Fathers killing their wives and children. Brothers brutally killing their sisters.

Some of the troubling stories don’t involve murder but are distressing nonetheless, such as the mom who really wanted to have a child with her boyfriend but wasn’t able to because she’d had a hysterectomy, so she decided to let her daughter have the child, and tried to get the daughter drunk and drugged so the boyfriend could rape her. How in the world did that idea ever make any sense?

The current headline on msnbc.com asks if America has become numb to tragedy. I think a more appropriate question to ask is, have we lost our sense of the value of life? I’m afraid that’s what we’ve become numb to. And I fear that until we can get back to honoring the gift of life, it’s only going to get worse.

On the iPhone and Some Randomocity

I don’t know if randomocity is a word or not, but I’m going with it.

This weekend I ported my number from AT&T to Verizon. I switched from a first generation iPhone to a BlackBerry curve, and I love it. I’m a Mac and loved everything about my iPhone except the actual phone part. AT&T just has terrible service in the places I need it most: home and work, and I decided I didn’t want to wait till the end of June when my contract is up, so I’ve been reading and researching and trying to decide what kind of device to get. Verizon has the best coverage around here, and they’re what I had before the iPhone, so I knew I’d go back.

I went with the BlackBerry Curve and love it. E-mail is super fast, I can use voicedialing again (I know there were apps for that on the iPhone but it wasn’t the same), and I can use my iPhone like an iTouch. The best part is that while I had no service or maybe one bar with AT&T while sitting in my recliner, I now have four bars, so I can make calls without losing the connection, plus I can hear the other person and they can hear me much clearer. Oh happy day!

From my own experience and what I’ve read online, if Apple and Verizon ever get together on a phone–watchout! They will gain some serious market share.

Next topic: Super Bowl. Wow–way to go, Jennifer Hudson. I’m sorry your family couldn’t be there to see and hear you sing the national anthem, but I’m sure they would be incredibly proud. God bless you. The game was good; I was pulling for the Cards because they seemed to be the underdog and it was such a shock that they made it that far in the season, but it’s fine that the Steelers won. I think they made a great choice in Mike Tomlin for their head coach. The commercials seemed a bit blah to me. The NBC lmao cracked me up, and I love those E-Trade commercials with the talking toddler.

One last thought: I went to the assisted living place this afternoon to visit my 93-year-old grandmother. She’s lived there just over a year; prior to that, she lived alone in her home. She’s fallen several times the past few years, and last fall she fell and broke her hip. She made it fine through surgery and rehab, and physically has done really well. Mentally, things are slipping. She knows who we are still, most of the time, but she doesn’t really make much sense when she talks.

She was OK at first today, but then, for whatever reason, she got into this funk. Her voice got weak and shaky, she seemed really confused, asking where her family had gone while we were all sitting around her, and then she began to talk to the Lord, asking Him what she was gonna do, who was gonna take care of her. Then she wondered why He didn’t just take her on. She’s said this a few times before, but today it just broke my heart. I have no idea how much longer she’ll be with us, but I feel her utter exhaustion and think it may not be much longer. It’s like she’s absolutely, completely exhausted and is just almost at the point where she can’t, and maybe doesn’t want to, go on. I think it’s a blessing and a curse to live such a long life.

When the gods want to punish you, they answer your prayers

I voted today, because it’s such a privilege. Then I determined I wasn’t going to watch the election coverage, because I just can’t take it. We’ve even got turmoil here in my hometown with our mayoral election, which is a huge mess because the guy who won can’t be certified as mayor because he didn’t turn in all his paperwork on time. So even though he won the majority of votes, he’s out of luck. I understand he didn’t follow the rules, and while I hate it for him, I understand that it’s fair for him to bear the consequences. What I’m not OK with is that the new city council was deemed to have the right to choose one of its members to serve as mayor. I didn’t vote for any of them for mayor, nor did any of the other residents here. It’s a huge mess, and I don’t think anyone is going to be happy with anything unless we all just get to vote again, but I don’t see that happening. So the next 4 years are going to be strange ones locally, and now it looks like they’ll be the same nationally as well.

Obviously I’m a Republican and I voted for McCain/Palin. I am bummed about Obama winning, not because of his race–that wasn’t even a factor for me. I heard so many people talking about Palin’s lack of experience and that she was just too much of a gamble, but to me, Obama was the bigger gamble, because he seemed to be trying to be all things to all people, saying whatever he thought they wanted to hear. I deal with that with my dad, and I don’t think I can say clearly enough that I hate it. It’s lying, flat out. Since the beginning of the campaign, every time I thought of Obama, I thought of MGM Studios at Disney World. When you walk into the park, it looks like you’re in New York City. As you walk down the streets, the buildings look like the ones in the Big Apple. It even sounds like the Big Apple. But behind all that, it’s empty.

Obama made some great speeches and got everyone all excited. So excited that they ignored any information that portrayed him in any kind of negative light at all. “Change!” they cried. “We want change!” Well, now we’ve got it, and now we’ll see if he’s really NYC or just MGM.

When I saw online that McCain had conceded the election to Obama, I thought of the Karen Blixen quote from Out of Africa: “When the gods want to punish you, they answer your prayers.”

I believe in the One, True God—not gods. And I believe that God is loving, not hateful and punishing. And I also know that when His creation chooses something other than Him, He will let them. He did it when the Israelites wanted a king, and that surely didn’t turn out all that great.

I don’t mean to say that McCain is all good and Obama is all bad. Nothing is ever all one or the other. We are all flawed, sinful, broken. I pray that Obama’s Christian faith is real, although I question it when I see some of the things he supports that seem so against what love and faith stand for.

In the last couple of presidential elections, at least, the outcome has teetered right at the top of the fulcrum and could have gone either way, but tilted just barely toward the more conservative side. It was just a matter of time, really, till it tilted the other way. I just wonder if most people really knew what kind of change they wanted. Did they have specifics for what they haven’t liked, and is it really the Republicans fault? Or did it all just sound good because it was different and therefore it had to be better? I guess we’ll see.

This was not my prayer, but it is now reality. May God’s truth prevail in the hearts of men, no matter what and no matter where—whether it’s NYC or MGM.

Can’t Get No … Satisfaction

Just a few random thoughts from stuff that’s going on this week.

FOOTBALL: Terrell Owens complained about not getting the ball enough during the Cowboys loss to the Redskins last Sunday. This is the same kind of crap we’ve heard from him before in San Francisco and Philadelphia. He clarified today that it’s only because he’s a competitor and doesn’t like to lose. I don’t buy it. It sounds to me like he’s just incredibly selfish. If you truly are a team player, yes—you would be upset about losing, but you would focus on what you did well as a team and what you need to keep working on. As a team. Because as good as many players are individually, ain’t nobody ever won a game all by their self. If you made the game-winning catch, good for you—but it’s also good for the quarterback who threw the pass, the linemen and backs who blocked, and the other receivers who ran routes to pull the defenders away from you. If you’re going to relish the spotlight when you’ve had a good game and your team won, then you’ve got be able to stand in that same light when it doesn’t turn out so good. I would hate to be on a team that had a diva like that.

ECONOMY: I’ve tried to read a bit and get a better understanding of just exactly what’s going on with the economy. I’ve learned a little bit, but it’s still kind of vague, like the stock market has always been to me. So this is a total oversimplification, and it could also be incredibly wrong, but it’s my take, and that’s OK, because this is my blog. It seems to me that we as Americans have just gotten caught up in the whirlwind that is life today. We move too fast, we try to do too much, and we overextend ourselves. We want more than we can actually afford right now, so we charge it. We get risky mortgages because they sound good now—we’ll worry about “later” later. Banks and mortgage companies did the same thing. But then an unexpected guest arrives. There’s someone at the front door: Later. It got here quicker than any of us thought it would. And it’s not happy.

As I said, I know I’m completely oversimplifying this; I know many people lost their jobs and couldn’t pay their mortgages, and many banks overextended just like their customers did. And I keep saying “we” because I’m guilty of this myself. Too many times I’ve bought things I really couldn’t pay for now, and I can always justify it somehow. A couple of years ago, I decided that the stress and the weight of trying to pay these off wasn’t worth the instant gratification I got from buying them in the first place, and I’m still working hard to pay them off. I am blessed to have a job that allows me to pay my bills; I know many people are trying, but they’re just having a really hard time right now.

I couldn’t get no satisfaction, so I charged stuff I couldn’t really pay for. Terrell Owens can’t get no satisfaction either. A lot of banks and lenders couldn’t get none either, and now here we are, in a big ole mess. My wish for our country is my wish for myself, and was my grandmother’s philosphy of life: if you ain’t got what you need, make do with what you got.

Protective Lens?

Last night I watched “102 Minutes That Changed America,” on the History Channel. It featured rarely-seen footage of the attacks on the World Trade Center, filmed by various people in different parts of the city who felt moved to tape what they were seeing. It was troubling, disturbing, moving. I was glad I watched it, and yet also wished I hadn’t, or maybe more appropriately, wish it hadn’t happened and thus had never been taped.

Several things stood out to me, such as how one man was asking people he passed on the street if they knew what was going on—rumors were spreading quickly and no one seemed to really know for sure what was happening. It reminded me of the initial confusion of 9/11/01, when it seemed as if our whole country was being attacked.

They interviewed some of the videographers to find out why they filmed, what their reactions were to the events, and what their video had meant to them. One clean cut, professional-looking guy, David Vogler, shared that for some reason, he felt emboldened as he taped, and instead of moving away from the Towers like everyone else, he went toward them to try to find out more about what was happening. “I felt detached from this horrible event because I was seeing it through a viewfinder,” he said.

A quote from another videographer stood out to me too. Cheryl Dunn taped from her apartment building and then out on the street. She always has a camera with her, she said; on that day, it was probably how she dealt with the trauma: she had a mission—to document this horrible tragedy. Her boyfriend didn’t have such a mission that day, and he was affected emotionally by what he saw. For Cheryl, she didn’t feel the brunt of her emotions till later, because, as she said, “I had an objective, and I had a mission, and I had … maybe I had this thing between me and this, um, situation.”

The “thing” she was referring to was her video camera. David felt distanced from the events surrounding him because he was looking at them through a lens. I find that fascinating, that this little piece of glass that would fit in the palm of a hand could make someone feel so bold, so separate, so impenetrable. The lens didn’t form a protective shield around their whole body, blocking any debris that might fall on them; nor did it distort the scenes and images they were seeing, but it did give them a different way of seeing it.

Now, tonight, I’m watching hurricane coverage on the Weather Channel (again). This is our ninth storm of the year, I believe, and I’ve watched coverage of most every one. Over the past few weeks, we’ve been inundated by storm after storm, and watching the reports squint and brace in the driving rain and wind has made me wonder, Why do they do this? Are they just that passionate about weather and storms? Are they gluttons for punishment? Is there a big adrenaline rush when they stand out there, so raw and exposed and vulnerable?

The Weather Channel folks were saying earlier that people are getting used to the hurricane rating system (1 through 5, with 5 being the most devastating), and that many people blow off a 2 or 3 because it won’t be as bad as “fill in the blank,” whatever the most recent devastating storm was in their area. We get complacent and think the worst can’t happen to us. But it does. And the TV acts as my lens, shielding me from the emotional impact of a killer hurricane. I’m all for the news and for being informed, but it still strikes me as odd and sometimes almost cruel that as I watch peoples’ lives and homes get blown away, and watch these meteoroligsts flap in the wind, adrenaline pumping, as they tell us how fierce and devastating it is, I watch it in the comfort of my recliner, peaceful and dry.

Football Friday Night

I went to the Albertville High football game tonight—the first high school game I’ve been to in a long time … maybe since I was in high school, back in the day. There’s a brand new stadium now and tonight was the first game there. It’s built on the site where the city’s first elementary school used to sit. It had long been left behind for a newer, bigger school, so they bulldozed it down. They took great care, however, to protect a huge old oak tree that had been there long before the old elementary school, and it now frames the goal post at one end of the stadium.

I met my sister, brother-in-law and nephew at the public library and we walked the block to the stadium. My nephew is a freshman, so as soon as we’d gotten in the gate, he disappeared so as not to be seen actually walking with his family. Two of my cousins were going in at the same time, and I don’t see them very often, so that was a treat.

The cheerleaders took to the field and led a cheer to get things started, joined by mini-me cheerleaders in their cute little outfits. The ROTC group attended to the flag and the band played the national anthem. Our band is one of the best in the state; they were in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade last year and have been a number of times before.

The sun set, the quarter moon began to glow as the sky turned from lilac to purple to black, and it was so beautiful in a hometown way, I got teary.

The game got underway, and it wasn’t really pretty at first, but the guys hung in there and had the momentum going into halftime. The band played some classic rock: Queen, the Rolling Stones, even a little Chuck Berry. Wow, it was great. Click here for a clip of the Macy’s parade last year.

I had chill bumps the whole time, and it was 80 degrees out.

Then in the second half of the game, the team rallied, led by the running of a kid whose last name is Hubbard and who looked like he might be 4′8″. We won 28-20. Go us! Go hometown! Go America! It was awesome.

The Beauty and Agony of Love

I should have gotten in bed long ago (darned Olympics), but my heart is full and I need to write. Two stories have just really touched my heart, and I think they will touch yours too.

The first is the story of James William Gjertsen of Orlando, FL. Sweet Baby James was born prematurely with a number of serious health issues, such as holoprosencephaly (incomplete development of the brain), and diabetes. His parents, John and Abby, went to the same church I did in Orlando.

They invested so much time and love into taking care of James. He was in the hospital for months, much of that in NICU, before he got to come home. As his parents worked with his doctors and therapists, they and James made big strides. He celebrated his first birthday and was growing stronger, and they’d begun to have hopes for his development.

But when Abby went in to check on him Wednesday morning early, he wasn’t breathing. They called 911 and did CPR, but neither their efforts nor those of the hospital staff could revive him. Sweet little James, with the curly hair, big eyes and long eyelashes, was gone. He lived 482 days.

I never met him, but I’ve seen pictures of him at their blog , and I’ve watched a video celebrating his first year, and it’s so sweet it breaks my heart. He has shown me that no matter how great our needs might seem, we always have something to give. It seems from all the comments posted about him that he gave much more than he took.

The other story is of my aunt and uncle, June and Junior. His name is actually Ray, but he is Ray Jr., and we have always called him Uncle Junior. June is my dad’s oldest sister. She is a lot like my grandmother, which is endearing, but she is special in her own right and we have a sweet relationship.

About two years ago, Uncle Junior was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. No one else in our family has ever had this, or at least been diagnosed with it. I’m sure there have been a couple that we thought maybe had dementia or were just plain old, but this diagnosis was new and prompted a huge learning curve for them and for my cousins Steve and Deb.

For a while, his memory lapses seemed like anyone’s who is getting older, but then they began to get a bit worse. And then the disease seemed to pick up speed. He had a stroke a couple months ago that seems to have aggravated/worsened the Alzheimer’s.

He remained fairly easy going and pleasant, which was nice. But the past couple of weeks have brought greater, harsher changes. He no longer recognizes any of his family members and keeps asking to go home, even as he sits in his own bedroom. He and Aunt June have been married for 53 years. They have two children, four grandchildren and six great-grandchildren. For him to not know her anymore has broken her heart, yet she remains dedicated to keeping him at home and caring for him as long as possible, in the way she knows he would want to be cared for.

This past week he got out of the house and was trying to climb over the back fence to go “home” when they found him. It took her, Steve and Steve’s wife, Vickie, two hours to get him back inside. He didn’t go to bed until 3:30 a.m. that night/morning. They were exhausted in all ways possible. He has said and done things that have been so hurtful to them, and yet their love and commitment to him seem to get stronger.

Aunt June has tried, probably unconsciously mostly, to keep her emotions at bay so she could focus on his care, but this week the dam broke. She cried with Deb about how hard it is to see this shell of the man they love. Deb wondered, in light of this difficult week and change in his condition, if it might not be time to seek a care facility for him. “No,” Aunt June said through her tears. “No one else will love him like I do.”

He has no idea what they’re going through caring for him. Not now. But one day he will. And he will see it for what it is: the closest thing to unconditional love we humans are capable of mustering.

Deb and Uncle Junior last October at her surprise birthday party

A Few Inspirational Moments from the Olympics Past and Present

The 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing have been exciting and inspiring so far. While there have been several athletes, teams and moments that have been inspirational for me (one is listed below), I’ve also thought of stories from past competitions. Everybody has their own favorites, but these are a few of mine:

• Derek Redmond, competing for the UK, 1992, Track & Field: After training for years, focusing all of his attention on preparing for the Olympics, suffering through eight surgeries, Derek thought he was finally ready. He’d had to withdraw from the 1988 games just before they started because of injuries. Finally, the games in Spain began, and he hoped to put all those struggles behind him. Yet in the first semi-final heat of the 400 meter race, Derek tore his hamstring early in the race and fell to the track in pain. He was determined to finish the race, so he tried to get up but was having trouble. “That’s when it happened,” said pastor Tony Evans. Derek’s father came down from the stands, passed the security guards who tried to stop him, and helped his son to his feet. Together, they walked toward the finish line. The crowd noise changed from sympathetic gasps to amazed cheers. The winners had long since finished the race by the time Derek crossed the finish line, but he finished nonetheless. He didn’t win a medal, but he finished the race set before him, helped by the love and support of his father, cheered on by many supporters.

• Gabrielle Anderson-Scheiss, competing for Switzerland, 1984, Track & Field: The marathon for the Los Angeles games finished in the Coliseum, where runners ran from a tunnel out onto the track to the cheers of a huge crowd. The day of the women’s marathon, the Southern California heat was intense. Water stations were located throughout the course, and every one was important. As Gabrielle neared the end of the race, she felt OK, so she decided to skip the last water station. She approached the Coliseum, ran through the dark coolness of the tunnel, and then burst into the hot sunshine to complete the final leg of the race by running one lap around the track. All of a sudden, it was like her body fell apart. Heat exhaustion had kicked in. She staggered and lurched around the track, accompanied by medical staff who wanted to let her finish the race if at all possible. Almost 6 minutes after entering the Coliseum (a lifetime for a marathoner), she finally fell across the finish line, completely exhausted. Gabrielle didn’t win a medal either—she finished in 37th place out of 50 runners—yet she finished the race set before her. Six of those 50 runners did not finish.

• Rau’Shee Warren, competing for the USA, 2008, Boxing: Rau’Shee is the first two-time American boxing Olympian in 30 years. At the 2004 Olympics, he lost his first fight and was out of the competition. Discouraged at his early exit, he decided to remain an amateur rather than turning pro, so that he could go back to the Olympics—he wanted to win a gold medal for his mom. This week, at the ‘08 games, his first fight was against Lee Ok-Sung from South Korea. Though the fight was fairly close, Rau’Shee thought he had the lead, so as the fight neared the end, he took a more evasive, defensive stance, trying to avoid getting hit. As the crowd cheered, he thought they were saying “Move!” as in, keep moving, you’ve got the lead, don’t get punched. Instead, they were cheering him on to make a move, because he didn’t have the lead after all and time was ticking. As the last bell clanged, he finally threw a punch that could have tied the match if he’d gotten it in on time, but it was too late and didn’t count. Like Derek and Gabrielle, Rau’Shee wanted to finish his race, but rather than pushing as hard as he could like they did, he tried to coast to the end, and he lost.

Each of these competitors has agony on their face, but not necessarily for the same reason. As Randy Pausch said, “The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough.”